my first icelandic jumper

Haukur's family just sent me a graduation gift, and it was a wool jumper with Icelandic pattern knitted on it!

Thank u guys, that was the best present ever! ^_^

knackered

i feel like crap today... after weeks of non-stop visits to the library.. i'm finally fed up!

this morning, i couldnt even find any strength to get up at 7 and walk up to uni so i can get my favourite spot at the short loan room once the library opens at 8...

so i decided to put my favorite Jones boots,



a pair of Jane Norman jeans, white crinkled camisole from Monsoon, and a soft pink wrap cardi from Mango. I even managed to spend an extra 2 minutes to look for my pink sea-shell necklace that i got from Acessorize a year ago!

yup.. this morning, i decided to look a bit nicer than usual when i'm sitting in a corner of the library being swamped by 20 dusty books...

did it make me feel a little better? yups! ^_^

did it make my work go more efficiently?! well, not really... mind you, i'm sitting here writing this post when i'm supposed to be writing my dissertation! ha...

paranoid city!

even though i've been with Haukur for over a year now... i cant help not feeling paranoid when it comes to his ex-girlfriend..

i always feel a sudden feeling of insecurity whenever her name comes up (not that Haukur ever speaks about her)

probably it's because they were together for 5 years.. Haukur's daughter already thinks of her as her stepmum... both of their families are really close as in they go hunting together and stuff..

and today.. out of nowhere i google-d her name, and found her blog... cant really read what's in it cause it's in foreign language... but i searched for Haukur's name in the blog, but i didnt find anything... chances are, she probably never mentions his name in any of her posts, or.. she could have a nickname for him!

*see what i mean here... am totally unreasonably paranoid*

anyway.. seeing her pictures there (i havent met her at all, so i kinda wonder how she looks like), that she's in a clay-pigeon shooting team.. makes me even more jealous...

i mean, i dont even have any particular hobbies... not part of any teams or anythin... (except my gym, but even in there i'm not a really model member either)

now, i'm just feeling so insecure and paranoid and sick.. and i dont even know why... am i a freak??!!??!

gosh, i need help..

so much for a surprise...

after one and half year in England... i finally decided to go and visit home.. yippeeee!!!! ^_^

after monitoring all travel agents from half around the globe to find the cheapest price for my 12-hour flight from Heathrow to Jakarta *gaaaaaa, i'm dreading it!!*... i plucked up some courage to book a return ticket leaving on 12 April... and i got this idea to make it a surprise visit... yea yeaa, probably some of you think it's lame, but i'm actually kinda into some of those lame stuffs... ^_^

anyway... i managed not to blab about it until 2 weeks before the D-day, except to Tita and Haddi... hey, they're my best friends, i HAVE to tell them... oh yeah, and i also told all the people i know here in London... and Bournemouth... and... oh well, i guess it wasn't so much of a secret to begin with...

h o w e v e r... i should've thought of calling the credit card company not to call up my Dad, cause i used his credit card to buy the ticket (heey, i'm still a student... officially has no income whatsoever) and the over-cautious Citibank had to phone my Dad and asked him whether he had bought something from lastminute.com...

so there i was... on the phone when my Dad called me, trying to think up a reasonable excuse why would i spent over 500 pound from a website which sells tickets, and holiday packages....

after my failed effort by telling him that i booked tickets for all my classmates to see the Lion King musical, i finally spilled him the truth...

when my Dad said that he wouldnt tell anyone that i was comin home so it'd still be surprise for the rest of my family... i didnt really believe him.... i mean, cmon, he lives with my mum... and my mum has this super vision that can see right through a person if he/she is keeping a secret...

but that's okay... now i'm just too excited to be comin home soon to even worry about whether everybody's gonna be surprised or not.... heck, i'm sure some of them have forgotten about me already... buhuhuhuu...

anyway... 7 days and counting... i'll be in a place with a constant temperature of 35 degree Celcius everyday!!!! wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...... eat that Londoners!!! ^_^

the night when my biological clock stopped ticking..

it all started when Haukur and i had to babysit this little kitten that belonged to a friend. At first, it was all nice and cute... we played this mommy-daddy kinda thing... arguing on whose turn it was to hold Mrs. Sophie (our friend decided that name, we never knew why)... and everything turned ugly when we found out that this cutie little innocent kitty had made a doodoo and peepee in the corner of the living room.

the first thing that came into my mind at that time was.... "i hate this country for having to put carpet in every bloody single room!!".... seriously, in my previous flat, we had a carpet in our bathroom!!! and... being an obsessive-compulsive-hygiene-freak that i am, i kinda wished that i was a professional carpet cleaner at that time!!

anyway... back to that doodoo-peepee incident... Haukur and i had to spend at least 5 minutes in deciding who should take the doodoo off the carpet... and i won the case! ha... ^_^

however, that made me lost the case when we were trying to decide who should wash and clean the wet and browny carpet... T__T

i had to dig up an almost-fallen-apart cabinet in the kitchen, where our landlord supposedly kept all his cleaners... i came across a Mould Remover, Plant Spray, Microwave Stain Blaster... and, Carpet and Upholstery Shampoo.... yaayy... finally!!! :D

Thank God... bless the person who invented these cleaners... so, i grabbed the bottle straight away, try to squeeze the content into a bucket, and i only got a few drops coming out of the bottle instead of a gushing foamy nice-smelling liquid... blast!!!!

but... nothing was gonna dampen my spirit in cleaning that old-ragged carpet!! i diluted the cleaner with water, got myself a sponge, and off we went to that brown-wet-battlefield at the corner of our living room...

after scrubbing in a really aggressive way... i finally got the carpet looked less brown, much wetter than before, but definitely smelled better.. well, actually it didnt smell anything, which was much much better than the way it smelled before... ;p

15 minutes after the carpet save and rescue act, i started to think about it... about the responsibility of having a living creature who's completely dependent on you... and i'm not talking about Haukur, even though sometimes in the morning he needs some help in finding his way out of the duvet, hihihi...

but seriously, what if Haukur and i werent playing mommy and daddy... what if this kitten was really our baby? are we gonna have to argue everytime the baby wets the diaper? then what will happen if the baby needs to be fed? at least Mrs. Sophie will feed herself everytime she's hungry, cause we just poured her Whiskas in her bowl everyday, and she just goes there everytime she feels like to nibble...

so... i came to a conclusion, that my biological clock had stopped ticking... this morning, i was a person who would see a baby and said: "aaaaw, wook at the wittew baby..."

but after tonight... noooo sirree... no baby for me... at least, not for now...

Haukur, if you're reading this... i believe u can be relieved now... ^_^

A Love Letter

Dear love,

I’m writing this letter to let you know that I’m gonna stop lovin you… I’m gonna stop feelin those butterflies in my stomach every time I see you… I’m gonna stop smiling to myself every time I remember our times together… I’m gonna stop counting every seconds whenever we’re apart… I’m gonna stop keeping your messages in my phones… I’m gonna stop saving all of your emails… I’m gonna stop listening to songs that remind me of you… I’m gonna stop feeling that I’m the luckiest woman alive whenever I’m with you… I’m gonna stop letting you get into my life so deep that I can’t let go… I’m gonna stop having you as the reason for me to get up in the morning, to survive in the day, and to sleep in the evening… I’m gonna stop you from being the most important part of my life…

I thought you were the man I always dreamed about… but I let the dream go…

Goodbye…

This is my confession...

"what do you do, if you know that something's bad for, but you still can't let go?!"

That's the first verse of Christina Aguilera's song that I've been listening so much lately… *I forgot the title though*...

But the first time I heard that song, I felt like the question was directed to me… and I started to think… about all the stuffs I’ve been doing lately… the stuffs that I had never done before… the stuffs that I know they’re wrong but the fact doesn’t stop me from doing it… the bad stuffs… the bad stuffs that I love!

Anyway… I tried to contemplate… bout my life… bout what I wanna do wit my future *heavy huh?!*… and everything else that comes along with it… and all of a sudden… I can’t think anymore… I’ve got so fed up with my life and everything in it… I’ve lost all my perspectives, my principles, and all other things that I used to believe in…

All of a sudden… all the right things seem wrong to me… and all the wrong things seem right… and I can’t even tell which one that I want…

One thing that I can’t get my mind off is… my forbidden relationship… I think I’m in love with someone that I shouldn’t be in love with… he belongs to someone else… and I belong to… no one, actually… heeheeheee… the irony of life… ;p

Whenever I’m with him… in the back of my mind, I know, that this relationship is not going anywhere… that it should’ve been just an “affair”… a no-commitment relationship… I should be having fun with it, and not worrying about it at all… but I just can’t help it… I can’t help thinking that I really really really like him… that I wanna be with him… and this is killin me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is a catastrophe… I wanna be with him, but at the same time I don’t wanna be with him coz it’s wrong… I’m confused in deciding whether I wanna do the thing that I WANT… or do the thing that is RIGHT…